The Only Blogging Rule You Need To Listen To

Do whatever the hell you want.

It’s really as simple as that.

Post 7 days a week. Be my guest.

Write about how you love being a SAHM. Do it.

Give me dating advice based off your terrible online dating. Yes please.

Use the ‘perfect’ keywords to make the search words to your blog explode. BRING IT.

When I first started blogging I just jumped into it. I went and swapped with every person I could find. Personally this was not a good idea for me. I felt overwhelmed trying to keep track of it all and I was ready to throw in the towel. Also. My writing was pretty terrible and so not me. I was putting on an act and trying to be this picture perfect newlywed and mom and omg I’m glad that blog when to the blog graveyard cause most of the writing was shit. ALSO. Oh this is my biggest regret. I would review products I either. One. Didn’t really like. Two. Would never use/buy. Three. Didn’t really fit into my blog. WHY? Because that's what bloggers do. That's what you're SUPPOSE to do. If I would have just listened to my inner monologue once then I could have saved myself a lot of time and trouble. For some people this might work. They can BS their way through it. I cannot and could not. It was a disaster and it was very apparent when I was trying to push something onto people and it was soooooooooo unbelievable.

So I then did the logical next step in my mind. I went and look at all these posts on ‘blog rules’. Please do yourself a favor and don’t look at it. Because the moment you do it WILL effect your writing. You will be crippled with fear and anger that you try to write and you’re stifled by all these ‘rules’. I’m not saying that the ‘rules’ some bloggers are giving aren’t great. BUT. They should be advice. Because when you say rule it implies that if you don’t follow it you are breaking the law and will get nowhere. That is a lie. There are plenty of bloggers who do not follow the 'rules' and they are what many people would deem as successful.

What I am saying is that there is difference between blogging advice and blogging rules. Advice is something people give as a recommendation. They are telling you what worked for them perhaps but you need to know that it might not always work for you. I can’t stand when someone goes and gets a consultation from another blogging and they are pissed because a week later there stats aren’t through the roof. They were giving you advice. They told you what they did. You and they are two different people. Your background is different. Your writing style is different. You are not that person. So for you to think that by doing exactly as they recommend that you will become them is dumb on your part. Also. Why would you want to be exactly like someone else? That’s no fun. Nor is it believable. You need to take what they did and gave as advice and put your own twist on it. Make it your own and people will be able to relate better. People can spot a fake person in blog land a mile away. And as shameful as this is to admit. I use to be one of them. It took me along time to realize it but people enjoyed me a whole hell of a lot more when I wasn't pretending to be someone else.

 

 

photo credit

 

Mondays Can Suck It

This is what goes on in my head Sunday night on the weeks I don’t have Dex.

You’re going to get up at 6am and work out to Jillian and make savory oats and a banana! Don’t forget to Instagram it cause otherwise it does not count.

Next I will take a shower free of interruption while blasting Enya to keep me in a calm mood for the start of a busy week. Complete zen.

Then I will dry my hair and straighten my hair to perfection and praying I somehow end up looking like the beautiful locks that Sami possess.

I will then take the time to use all the brushes and creams and powders and apply my makeup to have flawlessly looking skin that resembles Juliette as close as possible.

Finally I will pack a nutritious yet flavorful lunch that will keep me satisfied and filled all day without getting ANY cravings.

This day has happened about two times in the last 3 months.

This is what Monday really looks like.

Alarm goes off at 6AM. I hit snooze

6:05 Snooze.

6:10 Snooze

6:15 Second alarm goes off.

6:20 The alarms start competing with one another and I am being constantly serenaded with Lou Bega’s Mambo No. 5 and Chingy’s One Call Away

6:30 I shut the alarms off and begin to look at social media like a one eyed pirate.

6:35 I drop the phone on my face and say to hell with Monday and fall back asleep.

7:15 I am violently woken up when the trash man comes and takes approximately 23 minutes to empty the dumpsters.

7:25 I do quick math in my head to think about how quickly I can get ready since my office is only 6 blocks away.

7:27 I get distracted by looking at Instagram photos again from earlier in the morning.

7:29 I get up and stare at my closet for 5 minutes trying to decide what I am going to not wear.

7:34 I get in the shower and blast Eminem’s Curtain Call CD.

7:40 I look in the mirror and realize I resemble Spooge’s Lady from Breaking Bad and know that no amount of makeup is going to help this cluster eff of a face of mine.

7:42 Put on enough bronzer to put Snookie to shame then to only remove almost all of it in shame. Much like Taylor.

7:44 Brush through my rats nest violently and turn on my straightener.

7:45 Go into kitchen and see I have ‘nothing’ to eat and then just say eff it and grab a microwave popcorn bag and an apple.

7:47 Change multiple times.

7:52 Put on the original outfit I started with.

7:54 Run my mostly wet hair through my straightener and then smell my hair burning and stop.

7:56 Remember that it’s -5 outside and start my car.

7:58 Scrolling through @NotGaryBusey’s twitter and laugh uncontrollably.

8:00 Realize I still don’t have my coat and shoes on and proceed to search for them everywhere.

8:05 I’ve now sweated off all the makeup that was on and my hair is starting to get greasy even though I just took a shower.

 

8:08 Say all 7 of the cuss words that George Carlin so clearly stated and get into my car. Which, by the way, I started but forget to turn on the heat.

8:10 Arrive to the office and realize I forgot my lunch. JJ’s Unwich it is.

8:15 Sit at my desk sweating worse than a ho-ho-ho at church and contemplate leaving early.

8:20 Get on Twitter and realize everyone else is having a shitty Monday and commiserate with them.

Basically what I am saying is that Monday can suck my non-existent left nut.