1. My favorite Christmas was.... the year I got a Pizzazz. Hashtag lard ass.
2. The worst Christmas I had... was when my parents got divorced and then gave me lots of ‘guilt’ presents. Wait. I got two pairs of Uggs that year so actually it wasn’t THAT terrible. I mean except for the fact that my life was completely a mess at that time.
3. That one gift that made me scratch my head and say, "Hmmmm" was... birth control. Because I obviously didn’t use it.
4. One year I.... got new roller skates. My mom and I decided to then go roller skating on Christmas since it wasn’t snowing. Not even two minutes down the bike trial my mom falls and ends up having to have major knee surgery. Safe to say I’ve never done that again.
5. I think the worst gift to give is.... those stupid effin pre-packaged soap, hand wash, body wash with a loofa. You know what I’m talking about. They usually come in some woven basket and have knockoff smells since they are usually purchased at Wal-Mart
6. At Christmastime I typically.... don’t get in the Christmas Spirit. I haven’t put up a tree and my mom made Dexter this sweeeeeeeeet felt tree he can play with and I think I am going to call that good and just talk a lot about Santa and watch Christmas specials so he gets it.
7. Typically, family Christmas.... is pretty chill. We don’t have a humongous extended family and I kind of enjoy that considering I barely like being around myself let alone a room full of relatives I have little in common with.
8. If I could change one thing about the Holiday season.... it would be that people feel the need to get me a gift. Because then it means I have to get you a gift which just pisses me off to no end.
9. It is so hard to buy for.... Oprah. That biotch has everything.
10. My favorite Christmas tradition is... getting to open a present a day till Christmas. Now calm down for a damn second. It’s not like I was opening Skip It’s and Lite Brite’s every day. It was that trinkety little shit. Basically the equivalent to the Target dollar section these day. Fun fact about Skip It's. In the 4th grade we got to go outside for Recess and a girl in my class had one and she let me borrow it.. Unfortunately my feet were so wide and the pair of New Balance white and navy puffy tongued shoes were too big and wide and my foot wouldn't fit in the hoop.
11. Santa, baby, bring me a .... Pizzazz. I miss it. #foreveralone