Thursday, December 12, 2013

All I Want For Chirstmas Is A Pizzazz


1. My favorite Christmas was.... the year I got a Pizzazz. Hashtag lard ass.

Presto Pizzazz Pizza Oven

2. The worst Christmas I had... was when my parents got divorced and then gave me lots of ‘guilt’ presents. Wait. I got two pairs of Uggs that year so actually it wasn’t THAT terrible. I mean except for the fact that my life was completely a mess at that time.

3. That one gift that made me scratch my head and say, "Hmmmm" was... birth control. Because I obviously didn’t use it.

4. One year I.... got new roller skates. My mom and I decided to then go roller skating on Christmas since it wasn’t snowing. Not even two minutes down the bike trial my mom falls and ends up having to have major knee surgery. Safe to say I’ve never done that again.

5. I think the worst gift to give is.... those stupid effin pre-packaged soap, hand wash, body wash with a loofa. You know what I’m talking about. They usually come in some woven basket and have knockoff smells since they are usually purchased at Wal-Mart
Art of Appreciation Gift Baskets Medium Jasmine Renewal Spa Bath and Body Set

6. At Christmastime I typically.... don’t get in the Christmas Spirit. I haven’t put up a tree and my mom made Dexter this sweeeeeeeeet felt tree he can play with and I think I am going to call that good and just talk a lot about Santa and watch Christmas specials so he gets it.

7. Typically, family Christmas.... is pretty chill. We don’t have a humongous extended family and I kind of enjoy that considering I barely like being around myself let alone a room full of relatives I have little in common with.

8. If I could change one thing about the Holiday season.... it would be that people feel the need to get me a gift. Because then it means I have to get you a gift which just pisses me off to no end.

9. It is so hard to buy for.... Oprah. That biotch has everything.

10. My favorite Christmas tradition is... getting to open a present a day till Christmas. Now calm down for a damn second. It’s not like I was opening Skip It’s and Lite Brite’s every day. It was that trinkety little shit. Basically the equivalent to the Target dollar section these day. Fun fact about Skip It's. In the 4th grade we got to go outside for Recess and a girl in my class had one and she let me borrow it.. Unfortunately my feet were so wide and the pair of New Balance white and navy puffy tongued shoes were too big and wide and my foot wouldn't fit in the hoop.

11. Santa, baby, bring me a .... Pizzazz. I miss it. #foreveralone


  1. Welp, I guess I'm off to return this soap basket...

  2. I really want a pizzazz but talked myself out of have convinced me.
    thanks for linking with us!

  3. ummm how dare you not ask Santa for me? ME! I'm sure the jolly old elf would have brought me to you. BUY DEX A TREE DAMNIT

  4. My guilt present the year my parents got divorced was a 25 inch television for my room. I wanted to hate it on principle because I was upset about the divorce but it was a giant television and I was 13. Proof you have to watch out for guilt gifts because sometimes they are very hard to resist.

  5. haha please know that you never have to use the hashtag "forever alone" because you have me! lol I want a pizzaz too. and a lifetime supply of microwaveable kraft mac. in the individual sized bowl please. I have enough of those damn soap gift boxes to clean a small somilian village and i'm not happy about it. those loofahs are cheap and so not soft enough!

  6. I've never heard of pizzazz... I'm pretty sure it's not in Canadia.

  7. I have a startling collection of loofahs and their assorted matching knockoff smells. I think I should start using these as a direct correlational study to measure the amount of individuals in my life who should just stop giving me "obligifts". That's not a word but I do enjoy making them up.

    Additionally, Skip It! Light Bright! I wonder how harshly the grownup ladies in my neighborhood would judge me were I to stand out in the drive and work the hell out of a Skip It...